Oh dear Lord – It looks like I might be growing up!

Most people tend to get that moment of clarification, or ‘epiphany’ if you will, when doing something fairly profound. Standing proud at the top of a summit that they’ve spent agonising hours or even days scaling, for instance. The first moment they hold their first born child, for example.

Me – I think I had mine a couple of days ago when I went into my mums bathroom to get some rose scented hand cream!

I’m not even joking!

Moments before, I had walked through the warm and cosy living room of my mums cute village cottage, through the exotic aromas of burning incense that was filling the room, and I could hear the gentle croons of Whitney Houston’s Greatest Hits (yes – Whitney Houston songs kick ass!) playing in the background. All of these environmental factors seemed to lead up to this one huge moment of resolution.

As my arm stretched out to pick up that little tube, my eyes took in the whole picture.

A place to call home. A place to feel settled.

A place to have a reason to buy and to keep a bottle of Mark’s and Spencer’s finest rose scented hand cream! Because really, there is no other brand that even closely compares, something we really only learn (or admit) once we’re past the age of giving a shit that actually, I quite like the smell of rose scented care products – even if it is the smell of middle age!

“This is what I want!”

It’s no secret to anyone who knows me, that I can be a little…. all over the place, shall we say, when it comes to choosing a direction. I battle with myself constantly on which is the best route to go.

I love to travel. Yes.

But I also love home life too – so why do I find it so difficult to come to terms with the fact that maybe I can find a deep happiness from a settled life too.

Does it always have to be about chasing the next adventure? Surviving, just so I can pack my bags again, only to come back home still none the wiser and still trying to fit….somewhere!

Maybe its because I always had such huge dreams. I wanted to be an explorer of some sort. When I was a kid I read non-stop about space, I wanted to be an astronaut. I wanted to learn about all the things that makes this world so extreme and spectacular, and I wanted to get involved with all the secrets that our world keeps from us.

“Jenni, you live in cuckoo land, come back down to earth girl!” 

But you see, it’s not just about travelling for me, it’s about getting to know everything that is on offer to us, about being a part of something… epic.

Does anyone else ever feel like this? You see, I’m a bit of a narcissist I’ve been told. Pretty sure I’m the only person to have ever felt, or will ever feel, these kinds of thoughts.

No??

So anyway, back to my ‘epiphany’ in the bathroom…..

It’s a new year. I am rapidly approaching 31 years of age (Geez….how can this be happening!!). I fall under the category of a ‘strong, independent, single woman’ – yes I know, I want to chuck my brains up too when I read this. For the past few years I have spoken relentlessly to friends, family members, friends of friends or friends of family members – basically anyone who is unfortunate to have been forced into conversation with me, about my ideas of just taking off again for a few months, half a year, whatever, to see more of the world!

“I just want to go and see what happens!”

But I haven’t done it.

I’ve been away though. In the past 3 years I have been to 11 countries, 8 of them new countries. I’ve returned to my first love, America, after nearly 13 years apart, and clocked up 6 new states over a one month road trip. I have done trips that some people would only ever dream about, something that they would describe as a “once in a lifetime” trip!

I’ve done all this whilst maintaining a good job, in travel, for a company that offers potentially great opportunities. If not, then it’s a company that I can learn a lot from in an industry that I love and want to work in. I’ve made some great friends and some great memories.

Yet still I have been telling myself that I need to “go off travelling.”

I have a nephew, who honest to god makes the world a better place just by having him in it. I miss him if I don’t see him for a week.

Yet still I have been telling myself that I need to “go off travelling.”

I am one of the lucky ones who adores their family, not just because they’re family and you’re meant to, but because they are all simply my favourite people in the world.

Yet still I have been tell…. well you can see a pattern forming here can’t you.

My point being, I have been telling myself that I should go off gallivanting across the globe for months on end, when in actual fact, maybe that’s not what I need to be doing at the moment.

Perhaps, without realising it, I have created the perfect life where I can have a little bit of everything that makes me happy, or at least I am on my way to getting to that point. And one of those things that makes me happy, and has been an aspect that perhaps I have been a tad….neglectful towards, is life here in England.

So my epiphany, was to embrace that balance.

I want that cosy home with music playing in the background and a pretty view to look out at from my living room window. I want to throw dinner parties with friends and family, and laugh about how drastic my cooking is, but nicely disguised by the endless supply of red wine I keep topping their glasses with. I want these things just as much as I want to listen to the droans of Tibetan longhorns playing as I stand on the highest plateau of the world.

As one of my bestfriends once said to me, if you work at it – you really can have it all!

I will never stop travelling – It’s a part of what makes me who I am (plus I have a competition that I need to win). But I’ve decided that I can do it whilst creating a firm base for myself here. It’s a whole new thought process to me, and is probably going to be one of my greatest challenges yet….

….but I do love a gamble 🙂

In my bid to conquer my life here, as well as the world – I’m going to start cooking, I mean real cooking – not just bunging some chicken in the oven – and I want to try my hand at foods from around the globe, so I’m going to share my, what will, of course, undoubtedly be, masterpieces of culinary delights, with you all. Watch this space!

Plus I’m going to start snowboarding again – so any broken bones I get, because I guarantee there will be some – you’ll get to see first hand – lucky you 😉 

Also, I’m off to Italy in April (new country), so you see – the balance is already taking care of itself.

.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s