So I know I haven’t written on here for a while, and it’s honestly for quite a few reasons… Firstly I was spending the last few weeks mainly updating my website and trying to make it look better. I’ve never taken any courses on webdesign and seriously I was pretty crap at this stuff at school… so everything you see is stuff that I’ve managed to pull together myself through trial and error, gritting my teeth and crying with frustration (seriously), Googling how to do it, and also from my very own genetic batch of stubbornness wanting to understand for myself and refusing to ask for anyone’s help! So between that and wanting to spend time with friends and family back home, writing any kind of post just hasn’t really happened.
I’ve also never had any experience in writing and I find the whole process of it kind of intimidating. The idea of sitting at my laptop, knowing that I have to fill a blank page with words is sometimes more than my little brain can handle…and so I just put it off. When eventually I do sit to write something it then takes me quite a while to feel happy enough with what I’ve written to actually go ahead and publish it. Constantly going back and forth, changing this sentence or that word. Wondering how I’m going to link one topic into another. Worrying whether my writing is actually of any interest at all to anyone! I have about four or five draft posts that I’ve started this week and although there’s a lot of words there, as I write I find myself thinking what am I actually talking about here! What’s my point meant to be! But you know what, I think instead of giving myself a hard time about it I might just accept the fact that for me to deliver anything half decent just takes a little more time. So going forward I think I will allow this time and aim to get something posted perhaps every fortnight (Yes…I realise it’s been longer than this since my last post, but like I say I’ve been working on the website as well – excuses excuses eh! Haha).
So what are my plans?
Well…I am back in India again, Delhi to be exact. Myself and Loki have rented out what I like to call our ‘penthouse’ – it’s actually just a room and bathroom on a large rooftop terrace, but it’s perfect for what we need at the moment. It’s in a nice enough part of south Delhi, more residential so we don’t have the hoards of crowds out on the streets below like when we were staying in the hostels and hotels side of the city. Currently we have the internet people here installing all the necessaries for, well… the internet! So once that’s up and running i’ll be able to carry on working on what I need to be working on, advertising the treks, writing. Anything to make me feel like I am using my time productively.
In a few weeks I’ll be heading over to Nepal to meet with Chris the architect for the build. Together we’ll then head to Sita’s home in the low mountains where Chris is going to do a recki of the place. He needs to work out the logistics of the build, how long it will take, and in doing these things he’ll learn when the best time should be for the build to commence. To be honest I can’t wait to get back there and get my teeth sunk into this again. Just to get the ball off the ground and to have an idea of how this is going to be done will be a great feeling for everyone I’m sure.
I am attempting to put together two groups to join me for two seperate treks in Nepal; Annapurna Base Camp the beginning of April, and Everest Base Camp mid October. So I will be spending a lot of my time advertising these and generally trying to get the word out. If you want to find out more about these treks yourselves then just check out my ‘Treks page’.
Hopefully this will bring me to April 19th quite nicely which is when I fly back home for hen do and wedding preps. After that…who knows. For now let’s just focus on these next few months.
So how does it feel coming and going all the time?
I’ll be honest and tell you…I don’t find it easy! When I was younger I don’t think I gave it much of a thought, just like most twenty something year olds who like to travel don’t, and why should you…if possible then it’s the time when you should be out there exploring and figuring things out. But now I’m a little bit older my ties are stronger and my appreciation for the little things are stronger. I can’t tell you how in love I felt with home when I would go for my walks. There is something special about England that I just can’t find anywhere else. Maybe it’s familiarity that makes me feel this way, or maybe it’s because we start to notice different things at different times in our lives. Being near to my family and friends is hugely important to me. So how can I leave it?
Is it my love to seek out new lifestyles, to be different. Is it my curiosity of the world, the way it makes me feel to surround myself with what it has to offer, from human life to wildlife and from cities to mountains. I’ve started to notice just how much I love to do things by myself and I think it’s simply because it allows me to pay more attention to my surroundings. I notice the interactions between people; colleagues on a work lunch, friends sharing stories over a bottle of wine, or couples who are completely absorbed in each other. I get to notice how silent the world can be and I get to appreciate each little moment right there in that moment. Is this why I like to keep moving? To give myself more opportunities for moments like these. Sometimes we do things in life without really knowing or understanding why we do it. I’ve always been fascinated with the world, and so I believed that I loved to travel. But could I possibly have got it wrong? Is it simply travelling that I love so much, if so then why is my satisfaction only ever short lived? Or is it my desire to find a way to absorb as many of these ‘perfect moments’ as I possibly can. If that is the case then actually, could that be achieved from staying in one place, creating roots? To explore the world that is right on our doorstep, to create moments from the things that pass us by each day. For the first time in my life when I was home I felt that actually yes, I could. I’ve learnt a new side of who I am and it’s a side that allows me to nurture my restless self. I don’t think we can ever really let go of that characteristic of ours that we’d rather not have (come on…we’ve all got at least one right? Anxiety, fear, shyness, doubt, anger), but if we can ease it, comfort it, or even better find a purpose for it and mould it so that we control it rather than it control us…well then folks, hold the shit onto that thing! Coz you’re guna need it 😉
Enjoying time to myself, going for walks, taking a journey, taking that time, but having the comfort that I’m not actually alone in life, I think is that thing that I have been searching for. For now anyway. As with most things in life things are always changing and we are always learning.
All this being said, I do still love an adventure, to explore. When I was home there was a part of me that just wanted to take a bag and a tent, put on my hiking boots…and just walk. No particular direction and no particular timescale…just walk. One of the reasons I had wanted to come to the Himalayas was to literally get lost in them (obviously I realise that’s a very irresponsible thing to do which is why I didn’t actually do that – unlike Brad Pitt in ‘Seven Years in Tibet’…I almost certainly would have died!)
So even though I’m pretty excited to have learnt that I can handle a life based in one place now (I now just need to find that place), I’m also super excited that I’m always going to be someone who will want to get going again to do something epic!